How should men direct their masculine impulses?
Contemporary Masculinity
Among the most turbulent topics in the sea of rapid change that is the modern social sphere is the question of the role that men should play in society. Specifically, we’ve largely diagnosed what we conceptualize traditional masculinity to be as “toxic.” This has gained considerable traction in the media, popularized by the infamous Gillette commercial and even creditable medical health sites.
This popular media operates under the guise of helping men to be the best that they can be (or to conform to whatever society says is best.) Specifically, popular media aims their attacks at terms and phrases like “boys will be boys,” “real men don’t cry,” and “man up.” No doubt, there is much to critique about the culture that boys and men grow up in, both in their relationship with women and with each other. No doubt that men can do terrible things, both individually and in a group, made painfully obvious by world history. Much of this essay will be devoted to critiques of this culture; the bulk of my social critique, however, lies in the damage that the accusation of “toxic masculinity” spreads.
The problem is the way that the aforementioned critiques of masculinity are handled. Regardless of whatever modern academic sociologists might tell you, there is a solid biological and cultural foundation for intrinsic masculine energies. We might describe these energies collectively as “virility,” and we’ll explore exactly what this means shortly. Actions that apparently propagate “toxic masculinity” are influenced by these intrinsic masculine energies. We often handle the negative manifestations of this energy by suppressing them and forcing boys into a well-defined social groove.
Unfortunately, this has generalized to blanketing over all traits that are seen as traditionally masculine. When we suppress this traditionally masculine energy, we are suppressing an energy that is necessary for the well-being of men and of society. I argue that the source of these bad actions by men is not masculinity itself, but a result of the social climate in which we live.
The Necessary Traits of Masculinity
Virility most predominantly manifests itself as bravery, shouldering of burdens and challenges, rationality, discipline, and the ambition that drives us forward. I must specify that virility exists in all people; it can be thought of as an abstract energy that manifests to a certain extent in each individual, including women. On average, men tend to naturally have a greater amount of virility, but it’s individual-specific — some women express much more virility than men do.
When I speak of “masculine energy,” i.e. “virility,” I refer to something approximating the “divine masculine,” which even transcends humans. These energies exist as fundamental patterns of the universe, and we’ve personified them to assign to otherwise incomprehensible natural processes. For example, we speak of “father time” and “mother nature.” Obviously, these abstract concepts don’t have a sex — but they might manifest in functional ways that we’d describe as “masculine” or “feminine.”
In a sense, these differences in nature existed as universal patterns before sex-specific organisms evolved. The nature of our species reflects the nature of a larger order of the cosmos, and we adopted a nomenclature to describe it. It’s important to understand that I’m conceptualizing masculine energy as something that inherits from the cosmos, not some social construction; I’d love to explore this more, but this essay is confined to the negative consequences of suppressing this energy in our specific social climate.
We’re trying to demonize an energy that is intrinsic to humanity itself. We’ve called this energy “toxic.” This is a grave mistake. There is no such thing as toxic masculinity. There is only its forced suppression and direction down paths of detriment.
The Source of Male Decadence
Virility might not be toxic — but what explains the horrible actions that we see so many men partake in so frequently? What explains the all-too-frequent occurrences of rape, violence, and parasitic power-mongering? If it’s not intrinsic virility itself, the problem must lie in the way it manifests in the social sphere.
The problem has its roots in childhood, which is, among other things, a journey of learning how to control one’s instincts and direct one’s passions productively. A great deal of learning how to exist in a social world is influenced by directly observing role models. If there are not a sufficient number of male role models in a boy’s life, he will not have an example of what a good man looks like. The abstract ethical values that he inherits from his society will not manifest concretely, leaving them floating and eventually dissolving.
I see two parallel domains in which male role models are sorely lacking: the family and the school. It’s alarming enough that 1 in 4 children live without a father in the home [1]; even more alarming is how many present fathers are poor role models for their children. Boys with either no father or an ineffective father don’t have the quintessential role model to look up to, and their actions will be dictated by some other entity, as described below. The family is the most fundamental social unit; if the family is broken, how can we expect anything but the same for our greater society?
One might seek solace in our public education system, and for good reason — there are some incredible male role models in the system that work tirelessly to serve as excellent examples for their students. I have nothing but the utmost respect for these folks. Less than 20% of elementary school teachers, however, are men [2]. Though there is nothing wrong with having teaching demographics predominantly women, this does result in male role models being spread far too thin in this system. Combined with the prevalence of “strong father”-less homes, some boys’ lives are left starkly bare of role models.
In addition to a scarcity of male role models, our society is greatly deficient in meaningful conduits down which boys/men can direct the rampant aspects of virility. I do not, of course, mean the careless dumping of this energy into chaos and anarchy, as we mustn’t only look at virility as some excess/unwanted energy that must be simply dissipated. Virility is a prerequisite to humanity and must be channeled through controlled conduits that challenge, discipline, and humble (if we are to move forward as a species.)
Volition influenced by virility holds up our society, but the work of this volition must be performed from a sense of meaning. It is this meaning that prevents a worker from becoming alienated from him/herself, his/her community, nature, and humanity as a whole. Disciplines like athletics and craft accomplish this because they require one to submit to the laws of nature before he or she may have any kind of autonomy, as explored in Constrained Autonomy. They require control of the self — but these disciplines are dissolving. As explored in Abstract-Work-Alienates, the nature of work has become increasingly abstract and convoluted, alienating countless workers from their actions and divorcing meaning from our lives.
Specifically, our public schooling system does not provide enough of these opportunities for boys. Students are forced to sit in classrooms for 6–8 hours a day, and failure to do so is punished with…more sitting in classrooms. Not only does this “education” (more accurately “schooling”) force suppression of such youthful virility, but students are entirely alienated from their schooling process. Why shouldn’t they be? It’s not clear that many of the subjects have any useful application to them. Combine this alienation with the brimming virility souring into poisonous resentment and we begin to understand why boys are struggling at all levels of school when compared to girls and attend college in far fewer numbers. [3]
In depicting these sources (lack of male role models, alienation from work/meaning) I hint at a disruption of a natural psychological rhythm that is essential to humanity. Numerous thinkers have danced around this concept, articulated as Nietzsche’s “Will to Power,” the “Power Process,” Frankl’s “Will to Meaning,” and so on and so on. Regardless of the exact nature of this volition, I believe that the current state of society makes it evident that this volition is not manifesting in men as it ought to be, for reasons described above.
The Results of Male Decadence
Anytime we bury an intrinsic energy of human nature, close our eyes, plug our ears, and pretend that it doesn’t exist, that energy will smolder and build up pressure, eventually exploding out of containment in some adverse way. With the “holes” of male role models and humbling disciplines plugged up for so many boys/men, the energy of virility has exploded into the social sphere and manifested as violence, sexual abuse, and impulsive behavior.
The aforementioned statistic that boys are falling far behind girls in school and not attending college is not necessarily a bad thing. School isn’t the answer for so many youths, especially with the tremendous monetary and psychological benefits pursuits like the trades or the military can bring. But in our society, school is seen as the only pursuit — the only hierarchy to climb.
This is especially alarming for fatherless young men, as they are almost twice as likely to remain “idle” (not working, not in school) as their fathered counterparts. Fathered young men are also 2.5 times as likely to graduate college than their fatherless counterparts. [4] It should be unsurprising, then, that the virility of “idle” men will be channeled into crimes like violent and sexually abusive behavior, as fatherless youths are far more likely to be incarcerated. [4]
Impulsive behaviors that result from the explosion of virility leave men addicted to illicit drugs and alcohol at rates almost double that of women. [5] It easily follows, then, that about 70% of homeless folk are male [6] and 80% of suicides are by men. [7] These statistics are only a natural consequence of the continued stifling of virility from boyhood until manhood.
Luckily, many men don’t go down the routes of crime and/or addiction; the problem of virility still exists, however. Holding back from the direct paths to a hellish life still leave many men lost and meandering through life, and they desperately need a solution.
One specific example is the online community of “incels,” which is a neologism that abbreviates the term “involuntary celibate.” These self-labeled men believe themselves unable to achieve a romantic relationship with women. Rather than acknowledge that their failure with the opposite sex might result from their own actions and move to improve themselves, they fabricate misogynistic narratives about the nature of women and their relationships with men. They also hate the “Chads” (attractive & successful men) of the world and end up becoming resentful of reality itself, blaming all of society for their problems. (Paradoxically enough, incels also strive to become “Chads.”)
Incels have conceptualized their own social hierarchy and have pulled the all-too-common move of putting themselves at the bottom so that they can stand on a moral high ground to judge the “Normies,” “Chads,” and “Stacies” above them. Summing their superficial view of human relationships, paradoxical hatred and envy of “Chads,” and complete shirking of responsibility for their own inadequacies, I find that incels are undoubtedly the most pathetic bunch that I’ll mention. Most incels only spew misogyny on their digital forum circle-jerks and are impotent to act on their desires. Few, however, have manifested their hatred as violence; Elliot Rodger attempted to shoot “hot” women at UC Santa Barbara in 2014, and a plethora of ~25 shootings/incidents have occurred in his influence across North America and the UK since then. [8, 9]
We sit on the fringes of the social sphere with incels. Most men are not nearly so pathetic; role models and meaning, however, are still necessary. Without male role models present in their life, a plethora of young men turns to internet role models. These are often public intellectuals or “influencers” that purport to share wisdom through digital mediums, primarily YouTube and podcasts. Many of these folks belong to an online community called the “Intellectual Dark Web,” or IDW. [10] I strongly believe that some members of this group (specifically folks like Jordan Peterson and Brett Weinstein) are incredibly positive influences on young men, and have integrated perspectives from psychology, evolutionary biology, and philosophy to help them get their lives in order. I won’t expound upon this here, as it undoubtedly requires another separate essay.
The nature of “influencers” in digital media, however, requires that superlative identities rise to the top of the sea of content. This might popularize innovative thinkers, but it also surfaces extreme characters like the lately-famous Andrew Tate, whose primary fan base seems to be 15-year-old boys. He’s amassed a fortune by selling the secrets of “escaping the matrix” through his “Hustler’s University," which centers around making money through crypto and options trading.
Tate’s persona of the extreme “alpha male” unsurprisingly attracts young men in desperate need of a male role model. He’s confident, accomplished, and appeals to the rebellious side of men. I can empathize with his followers — when the entirety of what is intrinsic to men is labeled as “toxic masculinity” and regarded as insoluble in society, it’s a breath of fresh air to have a leader that flips the contemporary script with the unabashed coarseness of Tate.
But the pendulum swings too far in the other direction. Tate has many flaws, but two become strikingly apparent: his focus on monetary gain and his views on the relationships between men and women. He flaunts houses, cars, and cigars to his followers as the vision of what success looks like, which is a shallow veneer for a deeper deficit of meaning. Far more alarming are his views on women; his awful habit of following up a reasonable sentiment with a ridiculous claim leads men down the path of objectification of women into commodities. For example, he preaches that men must not become complacent and have emotional control; yes, it’d do today’s young men quite a bit of good to keep a stiff upper lip. He then proceeds to make some outrageous claims like condemning male monogamy or shifting blame onto rape victims. [11]
Tate is a double-edged sword; some of his persona brings the “virility in society” pendulum closer to the center, and I believe that this balancing is actually necessary. It’s the entire point of this essay, and I will explore in the next section how this balancing can be done to address the above problems. But Tate’s ridiculous claims give it momentum to swing much too far in a detrimental direction toward misogyny and authoritarianism. Andrew Tate is overflowing with virility, but he is not an example that young men should look to.
The rest of the lost men diffuse throughout the digital world and begin to land on the attractors of a few specific fictional characters. These characters take the form of the corporatized “Fight Club’s” Narrator, the depressed/crazy “Joker,” and the lonely main character “K” from “Blade Runner 2049.” These characters all share some sort of inner turmoil and consequently wear some socially-imprinted mask, and have subsequently become known as the “Literally Me” characters. These young men feel some part of their struggle personified in these fictional beings.
Also included in the “Literally Me” hodgepodge are fringe “red-pilled” men like “Fight Club’s” Tyler Durden and Travis Bickle from “Taxi Driver.” They starkly contrast the repressed characters above; they represent a completely opposite ideal for men to strive towards. Rather than “Literally Me,” we can think of them as “Literally who I want to be.”
Why are these extreme (and fictional) characters so popular among young men? I believe that the final monologue of serial killer Patrick Bateman (who is the quintessential “Literally Me” character) from the iconic “American Psycho” offers illumination here. Bateman confesses that, even after admitting to his killings, “…there is no catharsis. My punishment continues to elude me and I gain no deeper knowledge of myself.” [12] Bateman describes that “there is no real Patrick Bateman, only an idea.” [13] His life as a Wall Street investment banker has forced upon him such a mask of conformity that his public life has become nothing but handshakes and confetti. His sadistic killings seem to be an adverse bursting of pressurized virility and autonomy that has been wholly suppressed by his social identity, an attempt to gain knowledge of the self. This is an excellent example of the tautology of this essay — suppressed intrinsic human energies will not dissolve and disappear — they will burst out of the bubble of social restraint in potentially dangerous ways.
Each group that I’ve described above has some new idol that they aspire to become — “Chads,” Andrew Tate, or fictional “Literally Me” characters. Again, this is not surprising; this is the natural consequence in a society where male role models are often absent and weak male role models are usurped by their more colorful digital counterparts.
None of these figures are adequate solutions to the problem. These acts breed resentment of women, other “normal” men, and reality itself. They use monetary gain as a veil of “success” without regard to their spiritual and moral state. The lifestyles of fictional characters are largely unsustainable and end up existing as the treacle of lost men. Ultimately, all of these avenues breed shallow men; they create weak men with weak wills.
The Solution
The first (and most obvious) solution to the problems described above is to introduce more boys/young men to healthy uses of virility. These disciplines must have well-defined constraints and be a productive exercise of will. Up to this point, we’ve lumped the energy into “virility,” but we can break it back down into physical and psychological drives, and deal with each separately (though, of course, there is an inseparable dynamic relationship between the two.)
The physical aspect of virility is particularly potent in boys and young men, which is partially why sitting in classrooms all day is so detrimental. Physically exertive disciplines are necessary, and these manifest as team-based athletics for most boys. Sports are excellent disciplines because they force one to balance individual achievement with teamwork and humility. Unfortunately, many post-high school men often fall off of any exercise regimen that they are not coerced into. They are pushed right into college without a second thought, with abstract “knowledge work” being seen as the only path to a good life.
Like team-based sports, athletic exertion is not simply a medium in which to dissipate excess energy. A physical discipline should demand the progressive growth of a person. It is not simply enough to lift weights or to begrudgingly do cardio — residual virility remains and rots. Athletic achievement should act as a chisel through which a man sculpts himself, and set a foundation on which he develops the mind and the character. One great example of this is the martial art of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, which has greatly grown in popularity in recent years. Jiu-Jitsu does not request humility, it simply humbles. It integrates one into a wonderful community of practitioners that has a backbone of meaning and responsibility behind training, as well as a currency of respect. Jiu-Jitsu is only one example; countless other athletic communities exist that one may join.
Far more physical disciplines exist than high-strain athletics, too — competence with the hands comes in many forms, from boxing to building. As explored in Constrained Autonomy and Abstract-Work-Alienates, it is incredibly important for one to have manual competence, and craft is another excellent conduit for physical virility. Electronics, woodworking, welding, gardening, glassblowing, etc. are all disciplines that require a steady hand and respectful observance of nature’s constraints. Boundless virility is dampened and focused in these crafts, just as in athletic disciplines. I’m particularly fond of the play between mind and body in crafts, which is why they also address the psychological drives of virility.
The psychological aspects of virility are in a constant dance with the physical. Craft is not the only discipline that exercises the psychological; one can find the proper challenges within intellectual pursuits. This is especially true with respect to disciplines that are tightly bound to nature, such as engineering and the natural sciences, especially when the theory of those disciplines mixes with concrete reality. More abstract intellectual disciplines in the humanities like philosophy risk straying into (and staying in) “thought-land” and losing touch with reality, therefore not fulfilling the drives of virility. These disciplines can, of course, be mixed with and add meaning to the concrete.
Both the physical and psychological aspects of these disciplines serve to chisel virility into something useful, but the solution is not as simple as “do more hard stuff.” These disciplines also must imbue a sense of respect for wisdom and experience through masters and apprentices, or mentors and students. This is where strong male role models connect to these meaningful disciplines. Team sports have a coach, Jiu Jitsu has higher-level belts, crafts have masters, and intellectual pursuits have professors/mentors. If these men are sufficiently strong and good, they serve as role models for boys within the context of their meaningful disciplines and are quintessential to turning boys into men.
These role models need not be rich philanthropists or the perfect “red-pilled” alpha males. They need only be good men. Of all places in America, small Southern towns seem to do an excellent job of this. For example, take a look at this video of Boerne Welding, a high school welding program led by Dorman Vick. This is exactly what I’m talking about: a team of high school students undergoing a physically and mentally challenging discipline that will grow them and their communities, led by a man with his priorities straight — perfecting the person and letting them work naturally.
While this might not fix the endemic of fatherlessness, it does create surrogate father figures. Make no mistake about it — these are not men who will tell their understudies that “everything is ok,” “you’re perfectly fine the way you are,” or “no way is better than the other.” Boys are sick of hearing this hogwash. They’re thirsting to be better, to do better, to be of use. Boys fail often in these disciplines — that’s necessary. That is how one is humbled. We must stop telling boys and young men that their virility is “toxic.” We must teach them to pick up their responsibility for themselves and those around them. We must emphasize that the deep instincts that men feel are dangerous, but it’s necessary that they be trusted and disciplined to develop themselves and their community.
References
[1] fatherhood.org/father-absence-statistic [2] https://www.zippia.com/elementary-school-teacher-jobs/demographics/ [3] https://ifstudies.org/blog/boys-are-falling-farther-and-farther-behind-their-sisters-should-we-care- [4] https://ifstudies.org/blog/life-without-father-less-college-less-work-and-more-prison-for-young-men-growing-up-without-their-biological-father#:~:text=The%20predicament%20of%20the%20American,families%20without%20their%20biological%20father [5] https://www.addictioncenter.com/addiction/differences-men-women/#:~:text=Since%20that%20inclusion%2C%20researchers%20have,6.4%25%20of%20women%20and%20girls [6] https://www.statista.com/statistics/962171/share-homeless-people-us-gender/#main-content [7] https://www.cdc.gov/suicide/suicide-data-statistics.html [8] https://www.adl.org/resources/backgrounder/incels-involuntary-celibates [9] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incel [10] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intellectual_dark_web [11] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YXu3QvlNyRk [12] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cuTmyIOQIhw [13] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RjKNbfA64EE https://www.nytimes.com/2019/01/22/us/toxic-masculinity.html https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2019/02/toxic-masculinity-history/583411/ https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2018/06/imagining-a-better-boyhood/562232/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2276302/